Don’t Pet the Duo
by Werewindle
Summary: Beware the native wild life. All you need to know about the fabled Duo Maxwellius and Heero Yuyium. not a chibi fic
1. Beware the Native Wild Life

Don't Pet the Duo

Disclaimer: Don't own. Got 'em on loan from the UAF BS Department.

Warnings: Minor SLASH Flames will be laughed at.

Today we will discuss the fabled creature Duo Maxwellius and its companion Heero Yuyium. 

Duo Maxwellius is extremely stealthy and has thus far eluded all attempts at capture. Please note that while tracking the Duo Maxwellius it is important to keep your gear with you at all times least you find it missing and your underwear strung up a tree. 

The Duo Maxwellius is attracted to loud music of the hard rock variety. It can often be coaxed out of hiding to the sounds of Rammstein and Creed. Indeed sound is very important to the Duo Maxwellius. It uses chatter as a defensive tactic, literally driving researchers insane and sending them packing and out of its territory. 

Duo Maxwellius also uses its voice to sooth its mate Heero Yuyium, dulling the Fight or Flight response before pouncing. This is an important step in their mating rituals, which we will discuss in detail later. 

The Duo Maxwellius can be identified by its yard-long braid and uncommon violet eyes. Additional information can be found under Shinigamius and in the Galactic Bishounen Directory Sub-Category Pilot designation 02. 

Heero Yuyium is extremely self-sufficient and cannot be deterred from its goal. The only exception to this is of course its mate, Duo Maxwellius. It also has a high tolerance for pain and heals at an accelerated rate. 

Be warned: the Heero Yuyium is very protective of its chosen mate. Even the slightest provocation will cause an extreme reaction. In one case, researchers disrupted the bathing of said mate. During the night their transport was dismantled and the pieces used to make booby traps. 

Heero Yuyium makes very little noise and is seldom vocal except during mating. Heero Yuyium makes a clicking sound (reminisce of typing on a keyboard) to signal his readiness to mate. This is virtually irresistible to the Duo Maxwellius whom responds in turn (see above). 

Heero Yuyium can be identified by short messy hair and startling blue eyes. Additional information can be found under the heading Soldier Perfectus and GBD Sub-Cat. Pilot Des 01.

Thus ends the Lecture on Duo Maxwellius and Heero Yuyium. Next time we will discuss two species of Dragons.

__

Brought to you by Discovery Channel ~ Fangirl~ (Check your local listings)

A/N 

Here are what my little abbreviations mean:

UAF ~ University of Alaska Fairbanks

BS ~ Bishounen Studies

Hope you enjoyed it! This was caused by listening to one too many Documentaries. 

Werewindle


	2. Beware the Effects of ZEROate!

Beware the Effects of ZEROate!

Disclaimer: Don't own. Got 'em on loan from the AI BS department, who borrowed them, with special permission from the UAF BS Department.

Warnings: Minor SLASH Flames will be laughed at.

Discover Channel sadly announces that Haras Nesnetsrac's presentation on Dragons, promised to be next in the series on Bishounen: Quirks and Cautions, has been delayed due to problems with the study subjects. The present discussion will now pertain to the odd couple of Triton Bloomium and Quatre Winnerus with guest lecturer Artep Enilk. 

Triton Bloomium is one of the hardest creatures to find. Often blending into the background, it is known to be indistinguishable from the creatures that it has joined. Often found in areas with high populations of Ozius, it can be found foiling technological advances.

Quatre Winnerus, on the other hand, is viewed to be an innocent and docile creature. Be warned: those who approach this creature must not intend to cause malcontent. This creature will ask but once for Ozius to surrender before attacking.

Do not attempt to approach Quatre Winnerus when creature is under the influence of ZEROate! Only the abilities of Triton Bloomium and Heero Yuyium can calm the Quatre Winnerus when under its control.

When not hindering Ozius operations, Triton Bloomium is believed to tempt fate in the company of lions and its closely related species, Catherine Bloomium. When not tangling with lions and the Catherine Bloomium, the Triton Bloomium can be seen searching for the Quatre Winnerus.

When together, the two species are often left alone by other species, such as the Maguanacus, which are highly protective of the Quatre Winnerus. Classical music is often heard before the mating rituals between the two species commence. 

Thus ends the Lecture on Triton Bloomium and Quatre Winnerus. Next time we will, hopefully, discuss two species of Dragons.

Artep Enilk, signing off.

__

Brought to you by Discovery Channel ~ Fangirl~ (Check your local listings)

A/N 

Here are what my little abbreviations mean:

UAF ~ University of Alaska Fairbanks

BS ~ Bishounen Studies

AI ~ Art Institute 

Guest Author ~ Grayswandir

Hehehe I gave Gray' a plot bunny! After Beta-ing the first part this got stuck in her head. 

Werewindle


	3. Beware the Dragon: Extinct or not?

Beware the Dragons

Disclaimer: If they were mine it wouldn't be called *Fan*fiction, would it?

Warning: Slash Don't like? Don't read.     Flames will be laughed at.

Today's topic is 'Dragons', as most scholars have classified them. Starting with Treise Krushendai from Ozium region. 

One of the most classic 'Dragon' species is the TreiseKhushrenadai. They resemble the European storybook ideal. Treises, as they are commonly called, are very chivalrous, noble creatures. 

Unfortunately Treise Krushendai are considered extinct. Though they have a startling habit of appearing near the residences of the ever-scheming fanfic writers. 

They adore roses and their dwellings can often be seen surrounded by them, Treises are also know to consume large quantities of fermented fruits, most especially grapes. 

Treises don't have a natural mate. They seem to prefer the solitary lifestyle. They can be frequently found cavorting with Chang Wufeium, Zechs Merquisean, and Lady Uneim. 

Treises can be identified by their Ginger coloring and are most strikingly marked by forked brow ridges. For further information look under Dukedoms and in the Galactic Bishounen Directory Sub-Category Pilot designation 13. 

That is all for today's lecture, next time we will finish our discussion on Dragons. 

_Brought to you by Discovery Channel  ~ Fangirl ~  (check your local listings)_

A/N

Down, Down, I know I promised 'Dragons' plural but unfortunately I'm having trouble with my other 'Dragon'.  I am once again moving soon and don't know when I'll have access to a comp. So I am posting this in the hopes that you'll accept it as a bribe for taking so long.

No worries there *will* be another chapter with our other dragon, and if your real good and review (hint hint), maybe another bishonen as well.

Werewindle 


	4. Beware the Dragon and the Phoenix

Title: Don't Pet the Duo 4 - Beware the Dragon and the Phoenix  
Author: Werewindle  
Fandom:Gundam Wing  
Rating: pg  
Category: Humor, parody  
Archive: No  
Disclaimer: If they were mine it wouldn't be called fanfiction would it?

Summary: The final part of Don't Pet the Duo. All about Wufei and Zechs.

We here at the University of Alaska Fairbanks Bishounen Studies Department do apologize for the delay in the continuation of the _Discovery Channel - Fangirl_ miniseries - '_Bishounen: Quirks and Cautions'_. Our study subjects were frightfully camera shy and kept sabotaging the equipment when the shots were taken. But we are finally ready to finish the lecture series with our last two subjects.

First we explore the quirks of our second dragon species Chang Wufeium found in the L'five colonial Chinese regions.

Chang Wufeium are raised in extended familial packs, often comprised of not only parents and children but grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Ruled by tradition and with strict codes of conduct concerning ones place within that family and personal behaviors.

As a result they sometimes have a hard time adapting their view of acceptable behavior from females when encountering them outside the structured society of L'five. Chang Wufeium also has elaborate Honor code. A similarity shared with the Treise Krushendai (see previous section for details).

Chang Wufeium have a honeyed coloring and long black hair which they usually keep styled in a sever ponytail. They are known for their dedication to their chosen goddess Nataku and show their cultural pride in their dress. Though they are not adverse to wearing local styles to better blend in.

Wufeium had a close relationship to the Treise Krushendai, viewing them as a worthy adversary, sometimes mentor and occasionally they have been linked as lovers. Another occasional lover is the Zechs Merquisean, whom we will be discussing next.

More commonly though the Chang Wufeium develops a trinity relationship with either a mated pair of Quatre Winnerus and Triton Bloomium or Duo Maxwellius and Heero Yuyium.

Additional information about the Chang Wufeium can be found under the heading Dragon Clan and Galactic Bishounen Directory Sub-Category Pilot designation 05.

When we return we will be continuing our video lecture series with a look at the Zechs Merquisean.

* * *

Welcome back to the final installment of '_Bishounen: Quirks and Cautions'_. We now begin our discussion on the Zechs Merquisean. 

This showy warrior is most recognizable by his thigh length blond hair, love of hooker boots and his habit of donning a silver mask.

They are closely related to the Milliardo Peacecraftus. Which is another thought to be extinct species and part of the Royal house of Sank.

The Zechs Merquisean can most often be found in the company of Treise Krushendai. Waxing philosophical at one another and reminiscing about the past - when they aren't busy screwing each other over, on top of, or underneath some antique or another.

A recent expedition has found evidence of their seduction of a younger lover. Namely one Change Wufeium. In such instances they spend hours alternately pampering and sparing with their conquest.

The Zechs Merquisean is rumored to have familial ties to the Relena Darlinian, but seems to avoid the annoying, pink bedecked female.

For more information look under the header Lightening Baron and Galactic Bishounen Directory Sub-Category Pilot designation 06.

Thank you for joining us. I hope you enjoyed the _Discovery Channel's_ _Bishounen: Quirks and Cautions _lecture series.

This is Haras Nesnetsrac signing off.

* * *

A/N 

This is the LAST part. I don't care how much whining you all do. This was a cute series and fun to do but I'm not getting drug into that _'Do this or that character! Plz!'_ stuff.

Other then that, I hope you all enjoyed it. :)


	5. Bonus: Dragon and Phoenix: by Gray

**Beware the Dragon and the Phoenix - as writen by Grayswandir**

A/N:  
This is an earlier lost draft from the depths of Gray's hard drive. Instead of scrapping it we desided to share. Bonus for you. (_We are still _not _taking request_) Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

**Recovered original presentation of segment four**

-+-

We here at the University of Alaska Fairbanks Bishounen Studies Department do apologize for the delay in the continuation of the _Discovery Channel Fangirl_ miniseries - _Bishounen: Quirks and Cautions_. Our study subjects were frightfully camera shy and kept sabotaging the equipment when the shots were taken.

After several months of interruptions, and the return of most of the subjects to the labs here at the campus, we have finally managed to compile a presentation that may be to your liking. On location, we have Artep Enilk reporting. Artep?

Thank you Haras. After months of extensive research, and many, many more equipment upgrades, we here at UAF:BS have finally caught our elusive subjects in, what we believe to be, every act imaginable.

The Chang Wufeium is a noble creature of the wild and has been known to cavort with many, and none. It prefers the quiet of the outdoors instead of the din brought by the indoor life. However, despite its preference for solitude, it is very accomplished at self-defense and often considered a predator, albeit a levelheaded one. Easily provoked, most often by Duo Maxwellius and Ozius, in that order, it extends a curved claw as sharp as steel as it pursues its prey. Most hostile actions towards the Duo Maxwellius are cut short swiftly as the Chang Wufeium holds the alliances held with the Heero Yuyium in the utmost respect.

Despite its continuous ire at the Duo Maxwellius, their two species cooperate fully when in pursuit of Ozius. Oft times, Heero Yuyium, Duo Maxwellius, Triton Bloomium, Quatre Winnerus, and Chang Wufeium are close cohorts when attacking Ozius. But this does not apply to the Chang Wufeium when it encounters Treize Kushrenadai and Zechs Merquisean.

Before the extinction of the Treize Kushrenadai, the Chang Wufeium would partake of friendly dueling when the two species of dragon met. This dueling was often a precursor of the mating rituals of these two species. Unfortunately, many researchers suspect that not all relations between the Treize Kushrenadai and the Chang Wufeium were friendly and consequently the Chang Wufeium is generally held accountable for the extinction of its fellow dragon.

Unlike the seeming symbiosis created between the two dragons, most relations between the Chang Wufeium and the Zechs Merquisean are heavily strained. Originally, the Zechs Merquisean and the Treize Kushrenadai were close compatriots. The Treize Kushrenadai was a protector of the Zechs Merquisean and often understood every territorial boundary involved. However, the Chang Wufeium did not respect these boundaries and started impeding upon the rights the Zechs Merquisean had already laid in regards to the Treize Kushrenadai. Thusly, the Zechs Merquisean blames the extinction of the Treize Kushrenadai solely upon the Chang Wufeium, for if the Chang Wufeium had not intruded, the Zechs Merquisean would not have failed in protecting the Treize Kushrenadai from the deceptions wrought of the Romefellern.

One of the most curious phenomenons captured when observing the interrelations of the Chang Wufeium and the Zechs Merquisean is the mutual dislike they hold for the Relena Peacecraftus. The Relena Peacecraftus, and its subtler subspecies known as the Relena Darlinian, is often nicknamed the purveyor of pink. Oddly enough, both of the Relenas are closely related to the Zechs Merquisean as they all originated from the Sanqtus breeding grounds, where it was originally named Milliardo Peacecraftus.

Gradually, as the Treize Kushrenadai became scarcer, the Chang Wufeium and the Zechs Merquisean came to a mutual understanding of their similar situations, leaving each other to their own devices. However, the Zechs Merquisean was not satisfied with this. Adopting the Treize Kushrenadai's personal penchant for rose scents to its arsenal of amorous methods, the Zechs Merquisean began wooing the frosty Chang Wufeium. Slow going, they find they have a lot in common. The Chang Wufeium recites poetry while the Zechs Merquisean prefers Shakespearean quotations. This conflict in literature leads to heated arguments, then sweaty, sticky situations that neither feel can be called unpleasant.

On an ending note, rumor has it that a Treize Kushrenadai has been seen sneaking onto the compound and joining the personal festivities between the Chang Wufeium and the Zechs Merquisean. We have not captured any solid proof as of yet.

This is Artep Enilk, signing off. _Hey! No, they're loose again! Catch them! _

_**-fizzle-**_


End file.
